The ending to the story….
This post will be short and to the point because I don’t want to linger with these thoughts much longer. I know I have to concentrate on me. I worry now about the worry I have placed on my friends and family…added stress and anxiety. But this is honesty…it feels weak and I don’t like how it tastes. I can see, now that I have opened my eyes again, that these feelings are definitely NOT ok. What these feelings do to those I love is NOT ok. These revelations were slow to be realized and owned up to.
You see, I have an image to uphold. I don’t really but in my mind I do. I was the strong one the one who takes a challenge and succeeds. I have finally realized I can’t keep pretending…the feelings that have been leaking out in different forms over the last year or so have become a hemorrhage. They have been slowly tearing down my marriage and my most cherished friendships. I can control the damage…I can finally admit I am not capable of dealing with everything. I am not invincible…dang it.
At this point I can’t worry about how people I know will react to this story. I can only hope this story serves some sort of purpose. This really isn’t the ending to my story. This story is the beginning of a new story I will fight to write positively. Since writing and posting this story I have laid the groundwork for support I know will help me succeed. I would normally end a post with some sort of poetry but instead I will say thank you to my husband, my family, and my friends for supporting me. Even when I can’t see my blessings you are my eyes when I am blind.