THE ABBY NORMAL HEART

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Have you ever seen Young Frankenstein?  If not you should, Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman are genius.  Anyway, I am frustrated…and for some reason I thought of this scene. 

I am frustrated because I feel like Frankenstein sometimes.  I guess maybe we all do.  Like we were built wrong…well duh…none of us are perfect right?  But seriously I got the Abby Normal heart.  It does everything a heart is supposed to do. It beats, pumps blood, transports oxygen, feels…  

Feels…

Feels…

Dammit…

It feels…

There are hearts out there, I have witnessed them, that aren’t as stubborn or naive.  There are hearts that listen to logic…to reason.  Hearts that know when something isn’t good or right.  But no! I got he willy nilly heart.  It is stubborn enough to say, “That’s it no more!”  And yet it sits in the corner sulking waiting for someone to beat with… someone to dance with. 

But here is the thing.  I love intensely despite my trust issues.  I think my brain is always telling me, “STOP…you know you will get burned, this will end poorly and you will be the one left hurting and wounded.”  But my heart believes maybe this time, it is worth the risk?

I have a loving husband and he owns a huge chunk of my heart and always will.  I give my heart away to so  many because I believe that is what we have them for. Why can’t people be honest and feel completely? Why do people hold back?  Why do people lie to themselves?  Why can’t we just navigate the forest of feelings and come out stronger and happier on the other side. Trusting in the one you are sharing a part of yourself with? 

For now, my heart feels broken, yet again.  It is wounded yet again.  My mind once again is left to help pick up the mess my heart created.  One thing I know is that my mind will move on but my heart will always call to the pieces it gave away.

Things I read:

http://saurabhrathi.wordpress.com/2012/12/27/hate-this-and-ill-love-you-30-sec-reading/

http://thatgirl903.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/almost-new/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-it-feels-like-to-be-cheated-on/

http://expressedd.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/betrayed/

http://lifeanddaisychains.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/the-problem-with-dishonesty/

http://turnthepagetoanewchapter.wordpress.com/2012/12/11/hello-world/

http://abuseandaddictions.wordpress.com/2012/12/08/depression-9/

http://hibernationnow.wordpress.com/2012/12/07/write-raw-6-no-editing-allowed/

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14 thoughts on “THE ABBY NORMAL HEART

  1. Technically, your heart was given and you took his heart as a replacement. So,if the present heart is broken or sad..or upset sulking..it is his heart..the heart that loves him is sad..but why..is the question..having someone to love is the very reason to be happy..and about ..Frankie..Yo! he is a bit of a nerd..except we let him think he is solid rock hard !

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  2. You have a big, open heart… like me. What I’ve learned, in how to keep my resentments low. Is every time I want to give of this wonderful heart [who is not my spouse or kids], I give to myself. A need to heal others, is really a need to heal myself. A need to rescue others, is really a need to rescue myself. Anytime you have a resentment, it’s a red-flag as to a boundary within yourself, that you have just crossed. “I have given too much, away from myself”.
    Blessings…

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  3. Conscious love, has as its motive, the impassioned desire that the object fully realize its inherent perfection; without regard to the lover. We can only be responsible for what we do. Do good and gain self-esteem. Let others worry about what they do. We are what we do.

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  4. This is a common sensation for the poet and the writer as to write well one must know how others feel, often better than one knows how one feels oneself;so writers and poets ‘enter’ into the hearts and minds of others to feel as they feel,to understand and empathise, and in doing so leave a little piece of themselves in there. Thus the writer and the poet is often ‘naturally’ sad, melancholic, because they have sought to understand and in doing so have come to know too much. The poet and the writer often suffer from an extreme form of sanity in that they are much too human and far too ‘real’ for a world in which being human and seeing things clearly is often very painful.

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    • How odd. I was thinking that you put into words exactly what it feels like, but in a powerfully poetic way, instead of my lumbering prosaic factual explanation. I think your emotionally powerful and evocative writing expresses this idea much better. Do keep writing, young lady, you have a great deal of talent.

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  5. Pingback: Obligatory New Year’s Eve Post « The Reclining Gentleman

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