Relationships are hard.  Feelings unpredictable.  Control assumed and destroyed.  Foundations formed and reformed. The secret of marriage…flexibility, honesty, understanding, patience, and insanity!  Yep, you have to be a touch insane but my husband and I are both filled to the brim with this affliction.

Nearly 25 years with one person.  Sounds perfect. Sounds beautiful.  Many times it is the best feeling in the world.  The trust, the comfort, the idea someone always has your back.  What about when trust is broken?  We all do it in big or small ways…nobody is immune. This post reveals things about me I am not proud of…things my husband may not be proud of…but I believe there are more couples like us than most are willing to admit.

We worry about each other, we worry some young hottie will whisk us away.  We keep getting older while the smiles around us keep getting younger.  I can’t tell you how many times a young hot picture will friend me and tell me how beautiful I am and yada yada yada.  I am in turn polite…after all I would love to be beautiful.  I don’t believe what the picture says though…then one day I get “Can I get a pic of you nude? Because you are so beautiful?”  Ummm no…married. Ummm no…I am a wrinkly saggy mess.  Ummm no I do not want to be part of a fake profiler’s collection.   And most of all… I don’t want my daughter to someday find me on some Saggy Moms website.  No picture and bingo….their profile disappears.

It worries me since I have a daughter who gets closer and closer to her teenage years everyday.  As a side note: I always think of the fake profiles (catfishers?) as prisoners on the internet, as frat boys having a contest to see who can get the most pics, or a group of legitimately sexy guys trying to get naked married MILF pics.  Well, first I am not a milf and second ummm…no.  I wonder how many girls fall for it?  Advice to my daughter…never send a picture you are worried about me seeing.

The point is social media is advertising sexuality in a billion different ways.  Distracting us, tempting us, deceiving us, lying to us.  The secret of staying married lies in being honest.  Honest with ourselves and honest with our spouses.  Honesty sometimes hurts but I truly believe in the long run it is what saves a marriage not ends it.  Don’t be afraid to make friends.  Don’t be afraid to give compliments and have conversations…but be careful.  Know what your heart is looking for and make sure your spouse is there to keep it looking in the right direction.  I am a flirt…  I fall hard for people…  I have fallen in love with people…  so has my husband… but we love each other MORE…

Below is a conversation I had just this morning with my husband.  We love each other even if it isn’t the most romantic love it is the love we share….always!


Happy birthday
You’re my only way
I love you my wife
Despite the strife
The only wishes that count
Are the wishes on our lips
The ones spoken to each other
The hopes that ease our fears
The only one that matters
Has a heart that reads my name
The one that beats for me
The one that keeps me sane
I have only wishes for you
Happy together it’s clear
For your love is all I need
All others just fade away
Stay with me forever
Time making us old
I say you are my only love
If I may be so bold
I may have trouble believing
In things I cannot see
All those things you lock away
Peak my curiosity
Things you don’t want me to see
Hidden in the darker side of you
It is there I find the truth of love
Unmasked for me to feel
The depth of my thoughts
Hidden deep inside
Hold secret longing and desire 
My soul seared with lack of light
Yet experience has taught me
That you above all others
Are my destination, my guiding light
You keep my heart alive
Remember those days
When you felt alone
I squeezed your hand
And yet you still felt numb
It’s in those moments
My heart aches for you to see
That your despondency
Hasn’t yet driven me away
Nobody told us the climb would be easy
That we wouldn’t struggle and never be ugly
We both retreat now and then
Our eyes show signs of vacancy
The adrenaline may not come as easy
And the comfort we feel taken for granted
But one thing is true, despite smiles and sorrows
I will never get tired of finding hidden sides of you
The video my husband left for me to listen to this weekend.  I love when he speaks to me through music.


  1. Deep, heavy, true. I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’ll always be there for you (as long as I’m alive obviously). I also love the way we speak to each other in poetry.


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