VACCINATION AGAINST SEXUAL ABUSE

A vaccine is a biological preparation that improves immunity to a particular disease. A vaccine typically contains an agent that resembles a disease-causing microorganism and is often made from weakened or killed forms of the microbe, its toxins or one of its surface proteins. The agent stimulates the body’s immune system to recognize the agent as foreign, destroy it, and keep a record of it, so that the immune system can more easily recognize and destroy any of these microorganisms that it later encounters.~Wikipedia

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Hardly a moment goes by that I don’t hear about a child being sexually abused.  Am I the only person who grew up unmolested?  What would you do if you found out one of your friends was a sexual predator?  What would you do if you found out someone in your family was sexually abusing someone?

I hate to even count how many people I know personally who have had to answer this question. On more than one occasion; I found out someone I know personally was an abuser.  Once the disbelief wears off there is almost always outrage and anger, then a need and desire to do something to stop these horrible crimes from ever happening again.  Then reality sets in and you realize how overwhelming the problem is.

Sexual abuse needs to be confronted before the abuse happens but it is difficult because it is like an invisible virus going unnoticed until the symptoms of infection occur and by then it is too late; by then, abuse has already occurred. As a society we create organizations to help survivors the best we can Stop Child Predators.org/ , and we enact laws that punish abusers FBI Sex Offender Registry .  Can we vaccinate our society from sexual predators and keep them from assaulting in the first place?

I hope you are not reading this hoping for answers.  I don’t have any.  Sadly, it is hard for me to trust anyone.  I know some of the best manipulators hold great power in society and it has changed how I teach my daughter.  For instance, she knows just being a police officer, a teacher, a bus driver, or a doctor doesn’t make a person good.  In fact, if she ever gets lost I taught her to find a family with kids to ask for help, not a security guard or police officer.  It’s my own insecurity that keeps me from giving too much trust to anyone in a position of power; because that is where I believe many abusers tend to camouflage themselves.  I tend to participate in churches and doctor offices that institute rules frowning on closed doors and one on one alone time.

It is hard to think about eradicating child predators without thinking of the Salem Witch Trials.  It would suck to be falsely accused and I think, as a society, we are AFRAID of falsely accusing anyone of anything.  We can’t do anything without proof.  Or can we?  In my opinion we can make it harder for predators, not just with laws but with knowledge and communication.  We can listen better and be more observant.  We can start by focusing on creating better ways for people to get the mental health help they need.

I read somewhere than nearly 33% of children have been abused.  What the actual hell?  You know, as well as I do, that if the recorded number is 33% it is actually much higher because many times the abuse is kept a secret.  I counted 6 different instances in the news where cameras caught an abuser on video surveillance in the last month alone.  In each of those instances the perpetrator would have gone unpunished had it not been for the surveillance.  It really does take a village.  I see kids too young walking home alone after school, or riding bikes by themselves in the neighborhood, and have read so many stories of children neglected.  These children are at a higher risk for abuse because they long for someone to pay attention.   Children need all of us to keep them safe.

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I don’t know how to stop sexual predators and it is really difficult to accuse someone if all you have is a gut feeling.  I know because I have been there.  If you suspect someone the best place to start is with a conversation that doesn’t focus on them or accuse them in anyway.  Conversations that start with, “I can’t believe that story I saw on the news”, along with your thoughts and views and maybe even verbalizing a wish that the person (on the news) had sought help and maybe throwing in a great mental health practitioner that you know that has helped someone else you know.  Sometimes, being that compassionate person who believes help can be had is enough for someone who struggles with these problems (addictions, obsessions, diseases, or whatever they are) to get help.  Anything is worth a shot right???  And then keep a hyper vigilant eagle eye on them.

Maybe these links will be useful… knowledge holds power!

How to Avoid Predators

The Sexual Offender is:

1. Resistant to therapy
2. Multiple victims likely
3. Inwardly a coward
4. Lack of boundaries
5. Master manipulator.
6. High need to control
7. Blames others
8. Strong adherence to the patriarchal form of family
9. May prefer different types of victims
10. May have a personality prone to narcissism
11. May have other abusive tendencies


MY VOICE IS LOUDER

Mixed emotions concoct a deadly potion

Holding me captive inside their secrets

It won’t do anybody any good to out them

Since they can no longer cause hurt

But I think often of these evil fiends

Who feed off the innocent; stealing youth

They wore so many disguises, I am a fool

They were a brilliant mask of propriety

And scripted their betrayal with clever lies

The proper branding of men so clever

Would be sociopath, social deceivers

We laughed together, cried together

Disagreed, helped and played together

But their eyes were simply and plainly

Aiding and abetting the predator inside

If I knew then what I know now

I’d have done things differently

I would have saved your families

From your destruction, somehow

I would have saved all those girls

From their countless painful cries

I am on to the likes of you now

I won’t be deceived again, no way

My voice is stronger than theirs

And trust me when I say

I will use it each and EVERY day

Originally published 06-12-14

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18 thoughts on “VACCINATION AGAINST SEXUAL ABUSE

  1. I could have written this. I have also taught my children that if they are ever lost, to find a mom with kids. I do not generally trust people just because they are in a position of authority or power. I insist on doors never being closed when a child is alone with someone else – in fact, in our home the rule is, a door can be closed ONLY if someone is alone in the room (I, Mom, am allowed to come into the room if it is necessary – child needs help bathing/dressing/something hurts, etc.) I teach my children never to be alone with an adult who is not Mom or Dad or Grandma, and a small handful of very close friends that I would trust with my life. My children have the list memorized, as those are also people they could go to if they needed help and I was not available.

    I agree the best thing we can do is arm ourselves and our children and our communities with knowledge. It always makes me a little afraid to see a child walking or riding a bike alone, or outside after daylight, or playing near the street where it would be so easy to be snatched up in the blink of an eye.

    Sorry for the novel. This post struck a chord. It’s a hot and personal topic for me, and it’s why I write what I write: to inform and expose and make people realize abusers are everywhere, especially where they are least expected to be.

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    • Personally I feel over protective is much better than under protective. As I remind my husband (who has become more protective with ours than he was with his first two kids, and I’ll take responsibility, TYVM), some things are just not worth taking the chance. “Sure, 14 might hate me for not letting him ride his bike after dusk; but I assure you, someday he will understand.” And while I don’t intentionally subject my children to the news, they hear things anyway; and when they do, I take gentle advantage of it. “Yes, honey, that little girl got grabbed by a bad man. Can you imagine how scared she is, and how scared her parents are?” I don’t want my kids to live their life afraid, but I also want them to understand there are real dangers out there. I also think that by having open discussion and explaining why you make the decisions you do to protect them, you can be over protective while at the same time teaching your kids how to be independent and strong. As they see things happen in the world, and experience the precautions you take, they can learn how to take reasonable precautions to protect themselves. Much better than the simple “putting your kids in a bubble” that the term over-protective USED to mean. IMHO.

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    • We did get help, thank you. It was almost 30 years ago, but I remember my son telling me like it was yesterday. I think many of them do start out young, but just weren’t found out. I could be wrong, that’s just my opinion.

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        • I think he was just too young to know what he was saying. I knew, but he did not. He was only 3. I am so grateful he did say something about it to me, even inadvertently. I called police, moved and got him and my family into counselling. I haven’t spoken about this to anyone outside my small circle, or even on my own blog. I don’t think I could write about it too much in depth yet.

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  2. This is the inevitabe outcome of a society which has permitted itself of being manipulated in so many fields, but especially in the field of morals and ethics. Any change towards a better society cannot be started unless a revolution of the mind occurs. Everything else is window dressing.

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  3. Great post and much needed discussion. This is the exact motivation behind my recent post “Hate”. These predators are evil and rob children of more than their innocence.

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  4. It is sad. My kids don’t trust anyone, my son or my daughter, because neither is safe from these kind of people. I have an app on my phone that locates the registered sex offenders around me, my kids know what they all look like. I hate that it has to be that way, but it does.
    The worst part…I was showing that app to a friend and she turns white. I asked her what was wrong and she hands me my phone, points at this dude and says “he works the children’s choir at my church”. Nobody checks backgrounds thoroughly, apparently, so you really can’t trust anyone!

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  5. It’s a complex issue since many abusers were abused themselves. Maybe by a neighbor or maybe their father like me. I can see the uncertainty of a child with disabilities or mental illness, how do react and tell someone. This is a topic I’ve had years to think about. I was sexually abused by my father and raped twice at 12 years old. Very glad I did not turn into a predator. It takes everyone, parents, school, church, laws and most importantly getting punishment for their crime. There are so many ways the system fails, like the man who worked with kids at the church. How did he get hired? Everyone along the way has to do their part which includes uncomfortable conversations, I think there are some great ideas here. It’s never to early to talk and set limits, like the door closed rule. Have a great weekend. 🙂

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  6. I am so sorry that happened to you. Before I got too sick to work, I was an expert in child sexual and physical abuse. It was heartbreaking, but also very satisfying most of the time because it resulted in getting the child to safety and getting them the help they needed to hopefully heal.
    This was especially meaningful to me since I ran away from an abusive home at 16, only to become a child prostitute, living on the street in rags. Thanks for this great post!

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