RUTHLESS

Titled by Cyan Ryan playing on the name Ruth which means friend.  Please show Cyan some blog love, he took a break but looks as if he needs a bit of sunshine and support.

Vivid Trees by Hastywords

Vivid Trees by Hastywords

 

Written by Cyan Ryan and HastyWords

 

I was mourning tearfully the prior evening’s dreams
Where noisy birds had ripped the cosmos to smithereens
I had watched it happen in a silent and unmoving reverie
Where I wept quietly as summer held me inside its heat
Underneath a dying knotted willow tree.

It was the day before I was to turn twenty after sleeping
When along came a twisted up and misty wind, speaking
Trying to wake me from my common cloudy-cuckoo land
Filled with the same old cul-de-sac half-assed-plans
That I left hiding somewhere outside eyes sewn shut

Knowledge kept knocking at my conscious, incessantly
A sure inevitably of what waking meant, mocking me
The conclusion being my escape is my made up make-believe
And seeing clearly things aren’t as they seem, never, endlessly
When I am found neck-deep, near-sighted, drowning in dreams

These dreams where children are surrounded by chariots of fire
A society blindness-stricken and stripped of vision’s privilege
Scolded by heat and destroyed by the indifference of priorities
Of the Sunlight ruling Heavens, Moonshine subduing Hellions
Dawn, Midday, Dusk, Midnight, Twilight dividing battlelines

To have struck a chord of accordance with the world’s discordant
Synapses and nerves like ley lines, cross purposes, wires, distances
My dreams cross into never-land as they ride rigidly ancient waves,
Ocean currents that pass shorelines nursing the voiceless heard
As Merle the soul of a blue-grey blackbird girl, cries ice pearls

Her red wings burned noir, scourged — Heaven knows what for
Hell if I know — her thorn-torn heart-strings, passions thrown
To be discarded by the omnipresent source we’ve all looked for
She fell backwards in time, half-hardheartedly unfettered
But touched me in dreams like a feather, memories tethered

A Winter mistress, wind-love of my life I tried to forget, pain, too great
Years later resurfacing in dreams — I dreamt I gave her a brain injury
The blemished checkerboard floor disappeared from view and she fell
Dropped from my arms into harm — at the ER she wandered off, missing
And here I was sentenced and left, 20 felt years in a sleeping search

Last night, in my waking life, I read a simple biography before sleep
And saw the splitting image of her, her ex-husband carrying her weeping
Was he me? Was I him? Or did I dissolve from the stories complexity
Her with a brain injury, him with my love; and the cosmos split open again
By this injured Merle, my dreaming years filled with guilty tears spilled

And I wondered at this Wintress — how her testament aligned
With the time of the dream, and I felt a sad strange question rise
If psychic trauma returns with time, I suppose my bed is made
Will this memory-made dream touch the divine and be turned away,
Leaving me to live in it and ask, “Devil may care, but just what am I?”

And once again I was mourning the prior evening’s dreams
As the chirpy birds once again rip the cosmos to smithereens
I had watched it happen yet again in a redundantly silent reverie
And wept quietly, remembering my Wintress, as summer held me
Consoling wounded memories, underneath a dying knotted willow tree.

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12 thoughts on “RUTHLESS

  1. Reblogged this on 21 Shades of Blue and commented:
    “The Angel”
    by William Blake

    I dreamt a dream! What can it mean?
    And that I was a maiden Queen
    Guarded by an Angel mild:
    Witless woe was ne’er beguiled!

    And I wept both night and day,
    And he wiped my tears away;
    And I wept both day and night,
    And hid from him my heart’s delight.

    So he took his wings, and fled;
    Then the morn blushed rosy red.
    I dried my tears, and armed my fears
    With ten-thousand shields and spears.

    Soon my Angel came again;
    I was armed, he came in vain;
    For the time of youth was fled,
    And grey hairs were on my head.

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  2. I’m hurting right now……. Starting to wonder if me doubting all the wisdom thrown around was a mistake. I’ll try to post this comment to you….. I liked it a lot. Very skillful writing. No it didn’t cheer me up……. But it was good.

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    • Always hard to hear someone say “I’m hurting right now” because I wish nobody ever hurt. Thank you for the compliment. I wish I knew the right words to cheer you up but I think most times it takes much more than words. I will only say… I hope very much that you won’t hurt for long and that soon you will feel good again.

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      • idk….. i’ve been ruminating over something kind of silly really… that stupid phrase “nice guys finish last.” which i’ve been so against….. really against…….. and i know the difference between nice and “nice.” but i look back and find that they only like my charm and jokes and stuff…… once they find out thats not me they instantly want nothing to do with me……… i know so much about it….. it can also be applied to women (and i wonder why it’s so focused on men?) “Nice gals finish last.” but it’s stupid but i’m starting to think maybe i watched too many good conquering evil movies? know obviously that’s not why i’m sad. it’s obviously b/c of personal things that are related to that phrase…… and really there are ten sentences within each of my sentences. i’m not good at communicating…. i just assume people can psychically get those hidden thoughts. i still believe it’s gross “nice people finish last.” but i’m starting to see it maybe true. even my mom i kind of don’t like reasons for liking my dad and found them shallow….. even if it’d mean me not being born. he is a self-centered guy. he’s even talked about regretting marry my mom and wishing he’d stay with his other wife. and even hinted at not caring about me and my sister being born. she told me she was attracted to his cool carefree personality. i’m starting to think love sucks…. why? the feelings DO lie and make us go for the wrong ones. i’m start to think though it wouldn’t be love at all to just use my mind.

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          • I’m better now. Why? Thai curry is good. A lot of people don’t like curry. Like with who we are attracted to…….. Everyone has their own preferences in food. Oh and I deleted my blog for like the 3rd time? hey was it you who was talking to me on my earlier one like a mental health blog? i think.

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              • I don’t know. I have this habit of it. I delete all traces of my writings. I’m thinking about deleting the story I was working on. I throw away drawings. I’m thinking about disappearing somewhat….. But not really. Now I just see stupid tech posts on my feed here.

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