#BeReal – TOXIC

REAL life is kicking my butt.  So I am going to leave you with this poem I wrote in 2014.  I will get caught up over the weekend.  ❤

For a time this was my #BeReal.  My inner dialog was so full of self doubt and anguish.  I believed every lie my brain told me.  I really did believe I was TOXIC.

Today my #BeReal is very different.  Most days I have better voices in my head that are more reasonable.  I am thankful to the people in my life who have given these new voices life.

Friends make a difference.  Choose them wisely!

Healing is tricky.

We strive to forget past hurt, past regret, and start new.

Sometimes we have to leave behind those things that made us feel most alive, most ourselves.

Rebuilding is not the same as healing.

Sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves not because we want sympathy, to be saved, or because we need attention; but because we need to consider our surroundings and everything in it in order to step away from one place and into another.~ HastyWords


 Their silence betrays them
Apologies go unanswered
That’s their prerogative
After all she is that person
The toxic kind; poisonous
Put a warning label on her
And lock her in a cabinet
Next to the Clorox bleach
Even toxins have a place
Used sparingly with caution
They are powerful, useful
But not her, but not her
She is a FUCKED UP mess
She’s too much work
It’s exhausting really
To keep up with her
Too many pains mark her
It’s quite ugly to see
A monster; a circus freak
50 cent peep show
Peer into her reality
She scrawls notes
Everywhere she looks
On her ceiling
On her walls
Hoping for truth
“If they love you, truly
They will never leave
If they are friends
They will understand”
Quotes holding so much hope
With bittersweet delivery
Plotted points graphed
And proved by history
That they don’t hold true
Not for her, Not for her
She closes her eyes in despair
She is alone once again
Inside a room of walls
Covered in written words
She will never understand
She will never feel
With only herself to blame
She sets the whole room in flames
Leaving her ghosts to die
In the ashes of the past
So she can be reborn
Once again
Once again
Once again

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~C. S. Lewis

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.~Bob Marley

Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.~Ally Condie

Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate. ~Mandy Hale


10 thoughts on “#BeReal – TOXIC

  1. i never found to be toxic, possibly you have not shown me this side of you..

    What i have always seen, is truth, love and honesty..

    You have helped me find my creative self, this i will always remember!


      • Hm. A life far, far less than half-lived, that. We are MADE for relationship. We are MADE for friendship. And without it we wither and die. The whole POINT is that we love one another – there is no else…love is EVERYTHING!

        To have friends…to be acknowledged, accepted and affirmed…is all anyone could ever want.

        And I know for a FACT that on at least two occasions, were it not for my friends, I would no longer be here.

        I stand entirely by ‘necessary’ ❤


  2. This is not true of you at all. We all have our doubts and fears in fact we would be lying if we said we have not all felt this way. Thank you for sharing, you are not alone!


  3. Pingback: #BeReal – TOXIC | kennethandrebrownsr

  4. I guess I am where you were when you wrote this. I hadn’t thought of myself as toxic until reading this, but every word you wrote rings true to me. I’ve made a lot of progress over the past few years, but the damage is done you know? As far as friends go anyway. I mean, there are a few that stood by me, well, one. And then a few that forgave me. Sorry, now I’m that creepy stranger telling you my life story. :/


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