I’ve discovered in the search for who I am that I’m not just one thing.
You see… I kept making the mistake of trying to define myself. I am not JUST anything. I am all the different colors between and including black and white. I am a prism reflecting myself into the world.
I wasn’t always a prism.
The last few years I’ve been slapping paint on a canvas trying to create the picture I thought other people wanted to see. I was truly a million different things all at once. I wanted to be the happy you needed, or the fun girl that made you forget you were an adult for awhile.
I was the stand-in girlfriend that you could call to pay attention to you when you were between commitments. I was the wife that would change the world to reduce your stress. I was the mom that would dress her age and hide her cleavage as to not embarrass you in front of your friends. I was the friend who would act 20 years younger and be your wing man. I was the girl who defied all her comfort zones to please you.
I ended up with a brown and grey blob that resembled nothing.
I broke down. I had to start over. The world fell apart and all my different pieces weren’t going to be able to keep it together. I reflected nothing of meaning into the world. I had to step back, evaluate all my pieces, and find people who could help me work on the pieces I liked.
So I looked around and found people with qualities I liked. I borrowed some bright white from someone special and painted over the brown and grey mess. That took awhile. It always takes time to paint over old patterns to prepare for new ones.
Then I met some people who taught me how to make sunshine yellow and yet another who sparkled and taught me how to make glitter. I’ve borrowed the darker colors too. Because without dark the light colors don’t seem so light.
I’ve learned to create my own colors from the colorful people around me. I’ve learned to reflect the colors I’ve collected and enjoy the beauty my prism creates in others.
I hope what you see makes you smile because in some beautiful way you’ve contributed to the masterpiece that is me.