IT’S COMPLICATED

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I understand some people being so angry they are having a hard time wanting to move forward. I read a lot of fear and sadness and hateful posts and I get it. It’s emotional. We have a lot at stake. I don’t judge you for it and I’ll never say “just get over it” because I hate it when people say that shit to me.

I haven’t said who I voted for. Why? Because it is deeply personal and I analyze and agonize and really take my vote seriously. I don’t get the president I hope for more often than not. It doesn’t matter though. I voted and I took it seriously. It’s important to me to be invested in the place I work and play in.

When my husband said he wanted a divorce I really only had two options in my opinion. I could be angry at him considering all the time I had invested in the relationship. I could make it hard on him and try to sabotage his success for having so easily thrown our future dreams away. But why? To what end? Would being angry and fighting for him make my life better? Would that make him love me again and change his mind? Would it make it easy on my daughter?

So many things you have to ask yourself when deciding to fight or negotiate. I always chose both. I fight when I know it it will be beneficial for the majority. I fought for me and my daughter on the things that mattered but I did it without anger and I did it with grace.

I couldn’t change the outcome of divorce but I could change what happened after. He and I communicate, we negotiate, and dare I say we respect each other so much more now than we did.

I like THIS POST because it shows a sense of balance. The road ahead might be really rough but it isn’t the first rough road we have traveled together. And we are traveling it together whether we like it or not. We can travel it like prison inmates who hate each other or we can travel it like individuals who try hard to have each others back. To respect each other. To realize we aren’t always right. We can listen more and talk less. We can think about things before we speak. Something I’m trying to learn.

The truth is we should save the fight for the issues. This election was fought for already. It was fought by men and women who fought to have a voice generations ago. It doesn’t always work the way we want but it IS our system.

I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be angry. What I am saying is there are productive ways to be angry and there are destructive ways. You get to choose. You are free to choose. And THAT is a beautiful thing.

 

24 thoughts on “IT’S COMPLICATED

  1. I hope one day I will learn from you how to see my anger for what it is, to decide whether acting on it is productive or not, and then act with grace and conscience. You’re fantastic and I’m so proud to know you🙂

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  2. So much sense in these words Dawn. Thank you. As an outside observer, I have been able to look at both sides of the ‘race’, and try to remain as impartial as possible. It’s hard for me not to have a favourite, as I do, and even harder reading arguments and slanging matches all day every day, especially when you are constantly seeing the sheer amount of venom that was directed at one of the candidates! So yes, it was a shock result even for me, and tinged with sadness for my many friends on the other side of the pond, but I wouldn’t want them responding the way others are by protesting, I’d want them remembering the motto, “When they go low we go high”, and continuing to do that.

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  3. It’s easy for those who won to give advice such as this. The winners of every election tell the losers to suck it up and move on. While I appreciate your words, and you are right of course, that we are stuck now and have no choice but to move forward, it doesn’t stop the hurt or the anger over someone like Trump being elected, and how much togetherness of people so divided remains to be seen.

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    • Well like I said I wouldn’t say just get over it. And honestly it might be easy for people who win to say these things but you assume I won something. I did not. Also, I said you have a choice. We all do. Win or lose. On how you choose to react. You can react using your anger in a way that is productive and in a way that is destructive.

      My main message is that our choices are still important because we are free to choose that choice.

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      • I don’t assume you won anything it’s just the tone of the peace feels that way to me. Many of the winners just want the losers to shut up, suck it up and move on. It’s like being kicked when you’re down. I think when an injustice of this scope happens moral outrage is appropriate. Screaming and protest is appropriate. The danger to marginalized segments of our population and women is very real and unacceptable. Racism, sexism, bigotry and hatred are not political viewpoints, and voting for a candidate that validates those inappropriate feelings no matter what they think they’re getting out of it, should also be unacceptable. I agree we have choices, and I am sure I will find some way to funnel my anger into constructive positive action at some point, but for now my choice is loud moral outrage, and I think given the circumstances it’s appropriate. Your post really struck a cord in me. I know you are just trying to be positive. I am really struggling with this right now, and I know I am not alone.😦

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        • You are not alone. Being a woman and a friend to more minorities than not I felt deep worry and fear. I don’t feel like my goal was to be positive. I think my goal was to talk to both sides and say think about how you show your anger. I can’t imagine either side condoning the violence that we see going both ways right now. Maybe it is a positive piece but it felt very earnest as I wrote it. I fear my voice and my friends voices are marginalized every time we see violent acts committed.

          Can we be angry? Yes. I am beyond angry we had the candidates we had. I remember when Bernie was no longer an option how upset I was.

          Every single election we see division. This time the hate began before there was a declaration. For myself I’ve seen where hate goes. It starts with oversimplification and fear and turns into a fatal tally of lives. I for one hope we find a better way

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  4. I think it is less about anger and more about fear right now, the fear created by the rhetoric of the campaign. The fight will not be about anger – in the long run, we fight for justice. For respect for women and safety for our black, Hispanic and Muslim communities. And we do this without violence. Love will win.

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