I thought I would repost this since it is that time of year again. I don’t LOVE Elf on a Shelf but I acquiesce for my daughter. She loves her Elf Perry and he still does silly things for her in December each year.

The comment section is not so Christmassy but highly entertaining. I find it sad that some people have to pick on even the most innocent of things. This time of year is hard enough for some of us. Let us have these moments of imagination while they last.


HastyKid has an elf on the shelf.  Actually, it is an elf on the shelf disguised as Perry the Platypus.  He has been visiting her for 3 years and rarely makes much of a mess; until recently.  He spent the night at a friends house and another elf taught him he could be a bit messy.  The two elves covered the children in toilet paper and taunted them both by wearing the empty rolls on their arms and legs.  


Since that night Perry the Elf has enjoyed being a messy elf.


He has spilled crayons all over the place writing letters.  He has made a big fort in the living room, and dumped a whole container of cocoa on the kitchen counter and drew pictures in the mess.  I am telling you this because this elf and his activities have taught me how clever, and lazy, HastyKid can be.

I heard HastyKid talking to Perry the Elf after the crayon fiasco.  “Now Perry, I am going to KungFu and I will expect you to pick up all the crayons before I get back”.  Of course, she said it loud enough for me to hear so I am sure she knows who wields the elf magic in our house.

When she got back from KungFu she was very disappointed Perry the Elf didn’t listen.  She decided to tell on him, “Mom, Perry the Elf won’t pick up his mess!”  I told her, “His job is to make the messes and if he has to clean them up too he would probably stop making them.  Do you want him to stop?”  Her answer was an emphatic NO!

Since, I have decided it is a lovely way to motivate her to clean.  Tomorrow he may dump out all her messy clothes drawers to be redone, or maybe pull everything out from under her bed.  The ideas are limitless 🙂

Christmas elves stand around a tree

Singing merry jolly songs so gleefully

No expectations from the children

They work diligently for all year round

For that one special night St. Nick

Could spread all their good cheer

It has been said, by those who would know

That there is no jealousy, no rigmarole

No rigorous schedules or hours to keep

No smack talking, no slacking, no side tracking

No competitions or quotas on the board to beat

Yet, nothing is lacking when it’s time for wrapping

Each elf was born with a very special gift

They simply delight in supportive efficiency

The key is their passion for productivity

So, there is no need for a motivational lift

No back talking, whining or dragging of feet

Each does their duty happily and complete

No elf has ever been in need, or felt burdened it seems

No need of a paycheck, salary, or a bank account even

Yet they work all the same, on whatever is needed

They love, play, rest and take care of their own

Laziness is not something they have ever known

Lessons we should learn, advice needing to be heeded

It was decided one day, on a very special eve

The elves each December would visit families

Upon a shelf they would sit, a teacher in disguise

Each little boy and girl would happily spend time

Cleaning up the messes these elves would surmise

Motivating the children with only their hilarity



  1. So, your daughter blames her irresponsible behavior on an inanimate object, and you encourage such delusion?

    Wow. When I was young, my mom taught me to (a) tell the truth and (b) clean up my own messes. When I told the truth about making a mistake, she even told me the mistake was okay because I had admitted to it. I learned to embrace the truth at a young age.

    You, on the other hand, apparently want to raise your daughter to be a pathological liar.


    • Truth be told, I had one imaginary toy when I was growing up. It was a magic jet made out of Legos (that could fly faster than any other vehicle ever, in my imagination).

      But if I had ever accidentally knocked something over and made a mess with this toy, I wouldn’t have told my mom the jet and its imaginary pilot had made the mess. I would have said _I_ made the mess (with the jet). I knew how to separate fantasy from reality. I knew when play time was over and it was time to return to real life.

      People who live in denial can be scary. Check out this rather extreme example:


      • Hastywords, stop wasting your time and energy on this waste of space. He is obviously living a sad, lonely existence which doesn’t allow him to have any positive experience, laughter or love. He is a sad man, with a need to make other people feel less than.

        Matthew, you know nothing. Your feedback is unappreciated and unneeded. There are many of us out here that love Hasty, and know that she provides her child and family with a positive home life, filled with love and laughter and positive lessons. I do not know why you have chosen her blog to spew your judgemental opinions, but they are not wanted, nor are they helpful. Hasty does not need your advice, and will not change how she thinks, believes or acts because of your hateful words. As for the best lessons I learned from my mom, there are 2. 1) Treat others as you would like to be treated. and 2) If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

        See, your upbringing obviously wasn’t flawless, pot/kettle.


    • You’re a sad, pathetic hypocrite who has shut down comments on his own blog even as he makes the same comments on someone else’s blog. Did your mom teach you not to be an asshole to nice and talented random strangers who are telling sweet stories about their own children?

      Are you going to admit to making a mistake now?


      • Oh. It’s you, Mr. Jump To Conclusions from a long time ago. I remember you.

        But it’s like I told hasty girl. I figured out how to deal with people like you anymore. I just don’t read what you write (at all). How’s that? You’re talking to yourself. What made you think typing your thoughts into a computer screen would actually get them into someone else’ head? You made a rather large, erroneous assumption. But I hope you’re having a good time entertaining yourself.

        Now, if you want some real, healthier social interaction, get off the damned Internet.

        In any case, do you think I’m wrong for judging someone’s parenting skills (or lack thereof), or is she wrong for splashing her private family affairs all over the damned Internet?

        (The word “damned” is not meant to be slang nor a figure of speech, by the way.)


        • What makes me think my thoughts get into other people’s heads is the number of followers I have, the number of views I have, the number of likes I have and the number of generally positive comments I have.These are all statistics compiled by WordPress, other than the positivity of the comments which is apparent.

          All this is something you know nothing about. You can’t get anything but negative feedback on your own blog because you are nothing but negative – so you block people from commenting. Then, when you go to other people’s blogs and comment, you get nothing but negative feedback there too.

          Spot the pattern?

          Also, read your comment and practice what you preach.


  2. This is awesome and i may actually feel better about the whole stupid elf on the shelf stuff now… i need a Perry on the shelf for our house (tho somehow i think it would be lost on the dogs…)


  3. I also find code names like “HastyKid” and “HastyHusband” to be pretentious to the point of being despicable. You think your family is special because you post a few poems on the Internet? You’re a prime example of the vanity and the idolatry of the modern age. Everybody wants to be a celebrity. Everybody wants the rest of the world to worship them as some sort of false god. You remind me of that guy on YouTube who constantly posts videos of his family and gave them each a name ending in “tard”. (I think he calls himself “Shay Tard”.)

    The only reason I leave my name on my own blog is so there will be an explanation of what happened to me in case I ever become homeless. I want people to know how screwed up the world is that some people just don’t fit into it, and then people who knew me will remember how I didn’t get along well with other people, and so it will all make sense.


    • The world was here first. YOU have to do the fitting. You can’t blame your behavior on the world and still be taken seriously as an adult. You also can’t continue to use this blog as your soapbox. You have a blog. Go there to make your statements. It’s also not the world’s fault that no one reads it. Why would they?

      You want ‘vanity’, look into any mirror. There’s a guy who doesn’t think he should be held responsible for his own actions or statements, and in fact makes it difficult to be held responsible in the few areas in which he has control.

      Your unhappiness comes from the very real fact that the world will not bend to your will. You have to accommodate the world. This is Exhibit A for your utter lack of maturity.


      • I think you need to update that gravatar profile. If you’re really “sweet, caring, charming” but also “evil, twisted, demented, insane, and random” all at the same time, then everything you say is pretty much nonsense that doesn’t mean anything (and it would be a waste of time for anyone to pay any attention to you).


        • Again, if you dislike/disagree with the writer that much, stop reading her blogs. Because thats exactly what this is. It is HER blog, HER opinions, HER feelings. She has no obligation what so ever to placate anyone. She has no obligation to explain herself. It is YOUR choice to read or not. And if you disagree, fine. But YOU can choose to disagree and move on. You are the only person whom you have to please. But you don’t have the right to tear apart someone in the process. So choose the high road. Agree to disagree and move on.


        • WTF Matthew, why is it that, we cannot comment on your blog? What’s the fear a taste of reality, or are you just chicken shit… i would guess, you’d probably even, moderate your comments!

          Personally i love my magical delusional world, i am truly looking forward to having a psychic visit sometime…

          Cheers Mat……..


  4. This is by far a beautiful way of raising an even more beautiful child and letting her imagination touch and conquer new skies. I see no fault rather it is one of the best ways of teaching a child and making her enjoy the lesson so it will be deeply engrained in her mind, My grandmother has raised more than seven children and she always sued some kinda stories to teach them. It is no surprise that my Dad is my hero and O look up to him. Hasty, you are one of the most wonderful mother and I believe regardless of what a few people “wrongly” think, this is what you call “flawless grooming of the kid”. Oh and forgot to add I love every bit of the poem. Merry Christmas in advance, not that I won’t wish you on the day, but you can always be happy before happiness come sin 🙂


  5. First I want to say I love reading your stories. Second I would like to reply to some of the hateful comments posted here. Yes she thinks her family is special. Everyone should think their families are special. As a pediatric nurse I see way too many families that don’t give a crap about their kids. It is refreshing to see when someone not only cares about their kids bit also enjoys spending time with them. The elf on the shelf is a family based tradition she is passing onto her kid. There is nothing wrong with using imaginative aways to teach your child to clean. And as for the part about you commenting (aka bullying) here so people will remember you is a sad statement of your life. You want to be remembered for being a jerk to a stranger? If our world is in such a sad state, do something about it. Be a mentor. Be a big brother. Volunteer. Instead of just complaining about it and attacking someone via internet, be an active participant in changing things for the better. And one last thing, if you disagree with this writers opinions STOP reading her blogs!


    • I couldn’t say this any better and couldn’t agree more. It is time for this to stop. It is a complete shame that someone would even have to say these things at all.
      Glad you did though. We love you Hasty.


  6. What really disgusts me is when parents have to resort to mind games in order to “motivate” their kids to behave. I remember a co-worker I once had telling me he didn’t let his daughter get up to use the bathroom while she was doing her homework because she would get distracted and waste time (but he thought it was healthy to prevent her from satisfying a biological need???)

    For the most part, when I was a kid, I simply did what my mom told me. I trusted her, I liked her, and I saw no reason to defy her. I was willing to please (and I was intelligent). Therefore, she didn’t have to trick me into being obedient.

    I just wonder what type of adults that unruly, irresponsible kids grow up to be, because I think I’ve met some of them, and they are not a good influence on society.


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